Yesterday I had to rent a car. Hubby has an appointment to see a house rental and I wanted to go along. He couldnt get an appt on the weekend and our little car that I drive would definitely NOT make it 1.5 hours north. Normally this is something that the husband would do, not even sure how we ever divided up the list of things we do...but that is definitely one on his side of the list. So i called and reserved the car... and then doubted myself and called the local branch to make sure i got the info correct... found a ride to the place ... walked in and slapped down my little debit card and driver's license. Unfortunately...debit cards are treated much like cash and in order to let one of their cars leave the lot in my possession they wanted to run a credit check... which... I ... failed (you know... the whole 6 months unemployed our credit is shot scenario). So there I was 10-15 miles from home... no car... and no idea at all how i was going to get home with my youngest daughter, and too proud to admit to the nice man who assured me he and his wife were going through rough times too... that i didnt have a way home. So Maddy and I walked out of the store and the farther we got the harder I cried... I am just so overwhelmed with everything goin on... and i was so embarrassed and frustrated and angry and scared and my husband was so far away. I just kept thinking of the words be brave and the tears would stop... and then start up again right away. Words like "who are you kidding"... and "you cant do anything right" kept running through my head. Maybe in actuallity for me the be brave project will be all about smothering that voice inside my head that tells me I am not good enough.
But finally i sucked it up... and actually started thinking the situation through. I knew if we walked over to the mall we could get information on how the bus system in our city works. I have never had to use it so i have no clue what bus you take but I know i could figure it out if i just had access to a map. The other choice was to call a neighbor and hope she could come and get us. Problem was that i didnt have her number on my cell... so i called 411 and even though the nice lady told me she had no listing for that person, I persisted... and finally the number was found and i was able to leave a message. She called me right back and then came to get us. (I so need to make them some cookies or something to thank her.) I dont know... was I brave any where in there... I know that the youngest daughter and i are home... and i tried something even if it didnt work out, so thats a win of sorts...
Anyways... this be brave project... its a good thing!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
The Be Brave Project
A few days ago I was browsing through my blog list and found the link to a curiously titled project. Wondering what was up with it, i followed the link and found exactly what the universe was leading me to. Interesting how stuff like that happens eh?
I have been a sheltered woman most of my adult life. Always had a parent or my husband to do the things that unnerved me... whether it was killing a huge hairy spider that had invaded our space, making a phone call to the auto mechanic, dealing with a plumber, talking to landlords and so on. There were other things I dealt with in life... but the things i mentioned amoungst a few others were always the in the sphere of others expertise. Ok... i have to admit on the spider thing... i got over that a long time ago. The days of screaming Dad or Paul... and jumping up and down hysterically are over. Heck if the spider is outside I just avoid it... but inside the house is another story... and yes I can deal with the things... sometimes just a tissue... and sometimes an extremely long broomhandle and bug spray, depends on how life threatening the sucker is. Anyways... there have always been things in life that someone else was better at then me... and I happily... blissfully allowed hubby or someone else to deal with it.
A few years back at the dinner table on an unforgettable Christmas eve... amid a discussion fed by copious amounts of fuzzy navels (pre-dinner) and wine I admitted to one of my sister in laws that one of my dreams was to move to the country. She looked at me seriously and said "then it will happen... just a matter of when". Well little did I know that the all hearing universe in her ultimate wisdom was paying attention at that moment. She heard me... and she added us to a list. *smiles*
At that time hubby was working with his brother in law... one of my very favorite people. As a independent contractor hubby could make his own hours and got paid for what work he did, but because of billing issues etc and companies who couldnt understand the old " as soon as I submit the hours I will get paid" way of life... hubby ended up having to become an employee... which radically changed our lives. Sure the money for the mortgage and health insurance was there when it was needed... but the freedom we had enjoyed for many years was gone. Then the business opportunities dried up and at the beginning of this year (08) hubbys hours were cut to just 2 days a week... and within 2 months... he was completely out of a job. Boy it really changed the way things were... relationships within the family were strained... (the old working for a family member really really should be against the law) we had no money for our mortgage much less our health insurance... we couldnt pay our bills... so our credit rating was shot to heck and back. Hubby and I both looked for jobs to no avail. Hubby put his application on one of those job thingies... and companies looking for people to fill positions can read resumes and see if there is a fit there. Hubby is brilliant at what he does... but unfortunately there werent a lot of ppl in our neck of the woods looking for what he does do. We would get notices... sorry but you are over qualified... sorry your qualifications arent an exact match... and so on. But this one company asked him to come up and meet with them... and it was in a small town in central maine, surrounded by lakes and as it would happen... woods. He went up and thought from the way discussions had gone that he would have a job... we were so excited... checked out schools and so on... and then it fell through. Things went from bad to worse... so we continued fixing up the house to sell it before we lost it. Then the company called back... and asked if he was still available. He went up to visit and within 2 weeks had started full time. The drive there and back is horrendous... especially with gas prices so hubby has been living up there during the week and driving home on the weekend.
Not only is hubby not killing spiders for me anymore *smiles* but I have become a single parent during the week... with a car that is in such bad shape its scary, a house with one bathroom totally ripped out... and needing to get the house ready to sell so we can move there as quickly as possible. We have one child going off to college at the end of august... and one child re-entering public school after 1 and 1/2 years of homeschooling.
So yes ... we are moving to the country... but I am being pushed so far out of my comfort zone during this time of transition that its sometimes hard to breathe. I am terribly afraid of the unknown... but at the same time excited as well.
That is when I found the link to the project.
I have been a sheltered woman most of my adult life. Always had a parent or my husband to do the things that unnerved me... whether it was killing a huge hairy spider that had invaded our space, making a phone call to the auto mechanic, dealing with a plumber, talking to landlords and so on. There were other things I dealt with in life... but the things i mentioned amoungst a few others were always the in the sphere of others expertise. Ok... i have to admit on the spider thing... i got over that a long time ago. The days of screaming Dad or Paul... and jumping up and down hysterically are over. Heck if the spider is outside I just avoid it... but inside the house is another story... and yes I can deal with the things... sometimes just a tissue... and sometimes an extremely long broomhandle and bug spray, depends on how life threatening the sucker is. Anyways... there have always been things in life that someone else was better at then me... and I happily... blissfully allowed hubby or someone else to deal with it.
A few years back at the dinner table on an unforgettable Christmas eve... amid a discussion fed by copious amounts of fuzzy navels (pre-dinner) and wine I admitted to one of my sister in laws that one of my dreams was to move to the country. She looked at me seriously and said "then it will happen... just a matter of when". Well little did I know that the all hearing universe in her ultimate wisdom was paying attention at that moment. She heard me... and she added us to a list. *smiles*
At that time hubby was working with his brother in law... one of my very favorite people. As a independent contractor hubby could make his own hours and got paid for what work he did, but because of billing issues etc and companies who couldnt understand the old " as soon as I submit the hours I will get paid" way of life... hubby ended up having to become an employee... which radically changed our lives. Sure the money for the mortgage and health insurance was there when it was needed... but the freedom we had enjoyed for many years was gone. Then the business opportunities dried up and at the beginning of this year (08) hubbys hours were cut to just 2 days a week... and within 2 months... he was completely out of a job. Boy it really changed the way things were... relationships within the family were strained... (the old working for a family member really really should be against the law) we had no money for our mortgage much less our health insurance... we couldnt pay our bills... so our credit rating was shot to heck and back. Hubby and I both looked for jobs to no avail. Hubby put his application on one of those job thingies... and companies looking for people to fill positions can read resumes and see if there is a fit there. Hubby is brilliant at what he does... but unfortunately there werent a lot of ppl in our neck of the woods looking for what he does do. We would get notices... sorry but you are over qualified... sorry your qualifications arent an exact match... and so on. But this one company asked him to come up and meet with them... and it was in a small town in central maine, surrounded by lakes and as it would happen... woods. He went up and thought from the way discussions had gone that he would have a job... we were so excited... checked out schools and so on... and then it fell through. Things went from bad to worse... so we continued fixing up the house to sell it before we lost it. Then the company called back... and asked if he was still available. He went up to visit and within 2 weeks had started full time. The drive there and back is horrendous... especially with gas prices so hubby has been living up there during the week and driving home on the weekend.
Not only is hubby not killing spiders for me anymore *smiles* but I have become a single parent during the week... with a car that is in such bad shape its scary, a house with one bathroom totally ripped out... and needing to get the house ready to sell so we can move there as quickly as possible. We have one child going off to college at the end of august... and one child re-entering public school after 1 and 1/2 years of homeschooling.
So yes ... we are moving to the country... but I am being pushed so far out of my comfort zone during this time of transition that its sometimes hard to breathe. I am terribly afraid of the unknown... but at the same time excited as well.
That is when I found the link to the project.
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